the first and last sunday

contemplative? yes.
I’m realizing the enormity of what’s happening… already.
it seems soon.
I guess it’s not. yesterday began my week of “lasts”.
saturday - last shift at the hotel.
sunday - last day at church, last night at the BDC
wednesday - last night at Lenora’s
thursday - last night in HR
friday - last night in Portland
……and away we go. that’s it. then I leave.
today was harder than I anticipated. emotions are just already running higher and stronger than I expected and I’m crying already. the tears have started. not because I’m afraid, not even because I’m sad.
I know that everything I’m doing is what is right for me, for now. I know I’m supposed to go and start a new chapter.
but it’s almost as though my hormones don’t understand and they just know change is coming.. like how my dog’s can already sense that I’m preparing to leave them.
my hormones, tricky little suckers, are just sensing that.. along with the adventure that is the unknown. and today they decided to make themselves known.
I’ll be dealing with them all week I’m sure.
it’s just different this time.
because, for the first time, this move doesn’t have a time-table attached to it. I’m not going away for 9 months for school. I’m not going to be living and working at an internship for 3 months. I’m not even going abroad for a year or two.

I’m just going. With no idea whether I’ll ever move back or not..
that blows my MIND.
that literally blows my mind.
xo