Currently:

I’m laying on my bed in a huge pile of clothes that need to be sorted, hung up & packed away. And my poor little Jade is lying next to me. She has the saddest eyes ever right now. I think it’s because she’s sleepy.

she’s spent most of the day with me. lounging about while I try to force myself to clean and pack and “work”. I did make progress though. my armoir and nightstands are completely cleaned out. my dresser is halfway emptied. nothing is hiding under my bed anymore :)

all I really have left is to do all my laundry tomorrow, pack a weekend bag, pack up my closet and find a way to make all of this fit in my car. haha. that will be the biggest challenge of all. I feel like I’m hardly taking ANYTHING with me.. which, is better, I know. even still, it’s going to be a tight fit.
I’m leaving here in about 20 minutes to drive up to The Dalles to see my miss Arlie Cates one more time before the move. TONIGHT IS MY LAST NIGHT IN MY BED for a long time. woah. that just hit me. my last night in my house.

I will probably cry myself to sleep tonight.
darn it.

I was doing so well this week. but now, I feel like the dam’s about to break loose.. I only have to make it one more day.

it just sucks because you’re trying so hard to keep your emotions in check that you don’t exhibit ANY.. you just, sort of mechanically do the things you know you need to do.

I’ve been avoiding talking about the move.. I am excited. I do want to share it with people. But putting all my stuff in boxes almost makes me lose it. I know if I try to look my parents in the eye or think about driving away I’ll just be done for. and I’m not ready for that yet. I can’t do that yet. I absolutely know I’ll be a blubbering fool when I have to leave, I don’t need to start now.

xo

Farewell Dance

Farewell Dance @ Lenoras 1/20/10 from Jennifer on Vimeo.

Last night, at Lenora’s, they gave me a “farewell” dance. I miss this already! Really really.

"lasts"

lost of “lasts” today.
tonight, I’m having dinner with some dear friends for the last time in a long time.. it’s sort of become tradition for the three of us to get dinner and catch up on life every few months or so.. I don’t know when I’ll see them after today.
it’s also my last night at Lenora’s… one of my “homes” for the past 6 months. there are only a few weeks I didn’t make it into town to dance, and that’s only because I was sick or out of the country :) but, it will be weird to leave there for the last time.
related to that, it’ll be the last time I drive home from Portland in the middle of the night! I should make some sort of mix cd to celebrate the drive.. but I don’t think I’ll miss that too much ;)

three more days.
xo

I bought music for the drive.

oh yes I did.
my collection for the trip down will be fantastic.

just look who’ll be joining me!:
The Bird and the Bee - The Bird and the Bee & Ray Guns Are Not Just the Future
Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca
Needtobreathe - The Outsiders
Paper Route - Absence
the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s - It’s Blitz
Kate Earl - Kate Earl
Never Say Never - Never Say Never

and of course some old favorites, like:

Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head - Glistening Pleasure
Santigold - Santigold
Charlotte Sometimes - Waves and the Both of Us
The Civil Wars - Live at Eddie’s Attic
Elizabeth & The Catapults - Taller Children
She & Him - Volume One
The Script - The Script
The Ting Tings - We Started Nothing

it’s going to be a party! want to come?
anyone? any takers? anyone at all??
xo

the first and last sunday

contemplative? yes.
I’m realizing the enormity of what’s happening… already.
it seems soon.
I guess it’s not. yesterday began my week of “lasts”.
saturday - last shift at the hotel.
sunday - last day at church, last night at the BDC
wednesday - last night at Lenora’s
thursday - last night in HR
friday - last night in Portland
……and away we go. that’s it. then I leave.
today was harder than I anticipated. emotions are just already running higher and stronger than I expected and I’m crying already. the tears have started. not because I’m afraid, not even because I’m sad.
I know that everything I’m doing is what is right for me, for now. I know I’m supposed to go and start a new chapter.
but it’s almost as though my hormones don’t understand and they just know change is coming.. like how my dog’s can already sense that I’m preparing to leave them.
my hormones, tricky little suckers, are just sensing that.. along with the adventure that is the unknown. and today they decided to make themselves known.
I’ll be dealing with them all week I’m sure.
it’s just different this time.
because, for the first time, this move doesn’t have a time-table attached to it. I’m not going away for 9 months for school. I’m not going to be living and working at an internship for 3 months. I’m not even going abroad for a year or two.

I’m just going. With no idea whether I’ll ever move back or not..
that blows my MIND.
that literally blows my mind.
xo